Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize