That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
