if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
