Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
