you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
