They should really pass out barf bags in church
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
