Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just gift wrapped bread.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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