your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
