Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
