break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
