Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
