We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
