Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
