Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
