I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
