she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
