You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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