I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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