there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
pop tarts are not kleenex
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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