so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
