and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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