She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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