Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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