you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
