I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
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