Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
