I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
