ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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