If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
