Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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