remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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