she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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