i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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