you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pants are for mortals
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
