Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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