Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
