Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize