What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
