Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
