i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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