you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
