I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
