just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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