Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
