you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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