So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
