I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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