Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
