Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
are you so shy because you have an std?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
