I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
