I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
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I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
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Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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