just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I did not marry a roomba.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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