im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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