I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
420 ftw
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
