You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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