You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
