i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
