it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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