no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
