the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
