you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
