apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
