I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
