Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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