Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
