scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
