I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
we're so committed to being not committed
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
