The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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