I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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