Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
please don't ironically join a cult
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