You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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