ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
