Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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