Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
